The Ilia's Lovers - Chapter Ten

Over the past few months, Elaine had seen Hadith, the lover of the Ilan, in the background. On a rare few occasions, the two had exchanged brief pleasantries while he and Harumi talked.

The Ilan and his family took care of her, placing no pressure on her to heal, to talk, to entertain or be entertained by them. Their kindness was more than she could ever thank them for. But they went further than that. They brought Harumi, who specialised in trauma therapy.

Remembering the way, she was when she first came to the palace, Elaine couldn’t imagine she would move from that dark place, a void of light and hope, to following two of her guards across the palace to the Sunset Balcony to have a supper with Hadith.

Hadith made it clear in his note that she was under no obligation to come.

Elaine wanted to meet with Hadith. Was eager to.

Even after months of wandering the palace, there were still places she’d never been to. The Sunset Balcony was one of those places.

Thankfully, her guards, who she hadn’t even realised were hers for a couple of months there, knew every inch of the palace.

As soon as she stepped out onto the balcony, Elaine knew why it had earned its name.

Amara turned in the same direction as Earth, so their star rose in the east and set in the west. The balcony faced west, affording the most beautiful view as the star descended towards the snow topped mountains in the distance. The star cast an orange halo in the pink sky, but behind that was the nebula Danari pointed out on their arrival. There were shades of green and turquoise, blue and purple mottled and blending into the halo, stretching the light so that it appeared to send spears of light across the sky, like the stylised paintings of the sun she’d done as a kid.

The golden mountains were a contrast of gold light and dark shadows, with the snowy mountains appearing as silver caps.

Movement off to the side drew Elaine’s attention.

Hadith was standing next to a table set for two. There was a servant standing in the background, and some kind of cart standing to the side, filled with food. There was a hob of some kind, which reminded Elaine a little of a Japanese teppanyaki grill. A cook stood behind it. Both males had bland, neutral looks on their faces.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t notice you there.’ Elaine walked towards Hadith.

‘Not at all. I was enjoying your reaction to my home world.’ Hadith gestured towards the mountain and the sunset.

‘It’s stunning. Your world is so beautiful.’

‘I’m glad you approve.’ Elaine could hear the smile in his voice. ‘We will have this view for a while. Our star sets at a constant rate, however, the light bends as it nears the horizon, producing an optical illusion. The star will hang there for almost one of your human hours, then set quickly over a few human seconds.’

‘Wow! That sounds so weird.’ Elaine looked at Hadith, who seemingly hadn’t taken his eyes off her.

‘Come. Sit. Neran,’ Hadith pointed at the male behind the grill cart, who bowed in return, ‘is a spectacular cook. I’ve taken the liberty of asking him to prepare a few different things so that you can try Amaran cuisine. Sulas, he gestured to the servant standing by the wall, ‘will see to our comfort.’

Elaine smiled and waved at both males as she sat. Both smiled back.

Looking around, she noticed details she hadn’t noticed before. There were torches set around the balcony, which warmed the rapidly cooling air. There were also small alcoves set into the wall in several rows which went from the balustrading that ran along the rooftops, to halfway down the wall, still far above her reach. Each had three busts set within. In the way the palace was carved from the mountain, the alcoves and the busts within were carved from the palace.

‘They are the Ilans, Ilidans and Ilias of Amara. We call the three of them together, an Ilium. This is not the only balcony with the past Iliums carved on them. It’s just the one currently being used. Over there, you can see Dahnus. The alcove hasn’t been finished to make space for his Ilidan and Ilia.’

Elaine turned in the direction Hadith was pointed and saw the face of Dahnus Ascendi staring out over Amara. His was the last alcove in the line. He seemed very serious, but there was a touch of a smirk to his lips.

‘It’s an excellent likeness,’ Elaine said, feeling like she should say something.

‘It is.’ Hadith smiled. ‘I sculpted it with a great deal of love.’

‘You created it?’

Hadith nodded. ‘I enjoy sculpting, painting. I write poetry. Dahnus is a political genius. I’m afraid I’m a simple artist.’

‘There’s nothing simple about that. Hadith, it’s stunning. I’d love to see more.’

Hadith beamed at the compliment. ‘I’ll have to show you my studio.’

‘Your work must be in demand.’

Hadith’s smile faltered. ‘Yes. Though, I’m never sure if it’s because of my work, or my position as Dahnus’s lover.’

‘I’m sure there are people who buy it for the latter but appreciate it for the former.’

‘You are very kind,’ Hadith said. A slight tinge of teal appeared on his cheeks. Elaine wondered if he was feeling sick, then remembered Amaran blood was teal. Had she made him blush?

‘You are very talented,’ she replied.

Hadith’s face flushed a little more, confirming her thought.

A gust of wind rose over the balcony. Elaine shivered. Almost immediately Hadith rose and walked around.

‘There is a covering for your seat. Would you mind if I help you with it. There is a way to secure it, so it doesn’t fall off while you move around.’

For a moment, Elaine’s breath caught in her throat.

Tonight was somewhat of a test for her. Though she had guards, male, female and adalan, who followed her everywhere, no one other than Harumi had touched her for months.

When the note came earlier, Elaine remembered the adalan who sent it. Though her memory of those first weeks in the palace were diminished. Her brain not wanting to remember too much from that time, she remembered him, Dahnus and Danari with crystal clarity.

She’d lain in her bed, the curtains around it drawn. The curtains of the small alcove drawn. The curtain at the windows drawn, trying to block out the world. Trying to block out the memories.

Sometimes, when everything became distant, what she now knew was called disassociating, she would wonder about the three of them. The lives they had.

So, the note promised to satisfy some of her curiosity.

But Elaine knew, she was still traumatised. She was still recovering.

A part of that had to come down to the decision. Sooner or later, she had to choose to trust.

Though adalan weren’t male, they presented as male. They could still hurt her if they wanted to.

But the sense Elaine got from Hadith was that hurting her would never even cross his mind.

He was kind. She knew it. Could feel it.

Still, her body was hesitant, as much as her mind could reason this out.

Hadith waited patiently while she went through all of this in her mind. There couldn’t be a person less like Castus than Hadith.

‘Please,’ Elaine said, forcing the muscles in her shoulders to relax.

Hadith moved slowly, deliberately, letting her see each motion as he took the covering from a footstool beside her seat, and, with Elaine sitting forward, draped it over her, folding, tucking, buttoning, until the covering wrapped around her, a comforting weight over her arms, shoulders, back and front.

Hadith returned to his seat and waited while Elaine used box breathing to get her heightened, panicked instincts back under control.

Breath in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, out for a count of four, hold for a count of four. She repeated the process until finally she felt under control again.

Harumi helped Elaine with different therapies and strategies to get her to this point. When Harumi came back, she wanted to bring another therapist from Earth with her to go through MDMA therapy. According to Harumi, this would help Elaine with the worst of her lingering issues. She was plagued by nightmares about Castus. Every time she took several steps forward, the nightmares would return, and she’d take a few steps back. It was hampering her recovery.

But it needed two experienced therapists working together to help the patient.

The breathing exercises and meditation helped her a great deal and Elaine would think she had broken through and was finally over the worst. But then the nightmares would return.

Elaine looked up, realising she’d disassociated again.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to zone out.’

Hadith smiled.

‘I remember those days well,’ he said.

‘You experienced…’

Hadith waited a moment for her to finish, then realised she couldn’t. He nodded.

‘We can talk about this as much, or as little as you wish.’

‘How about not at all,’ Elaine said. ‘It’s such a beautiful evening. I don’t want to spoil it.’

Hadith nodded, his smiled widening.

‘It is, very beautiful. And may I say, you look stunning in Amaran fashions.’

Elaine looked down at the light blue dress she wore. The material looked like chiffon, but had the feel of satin. It was matt like chiffon, but like satin, it clung lightly to her skin where it was fitted, then billowed and kissed her skin in turn where the skirts flared from her waist. There was no underskirt to cover her, thought the material was sheer like chiffon. Instead, the skirt was made up of several layers, until they obscured her form beneath.

‘They’re the most beautiful things I’ve ever worn. The material is stunning’

‘It is Amaran silk. You wear them well, and it falls perfectly on you,’ Hadith murmured. ‘and your hair is a work of art.’

Elaine smiled, genuinely pleased by the compliment.

‘My mom taught me everything about hair,’ Elaine said. ‘She loved styling it. She could look at a picture of some fancy hairdo and know how to do it. I used to go to school with the most ridiculously beautiful hair for a kid.’ Elaine laughed.

“You must have been greatly admired,” Hadith said, smiling.

‘Oh, yeah.’ Elaine shrugged. ‘Modelling agents asked my mom to sign me up. I was tempted and we did a few things. But then it got really serious. I was up for some big campaign, but all I wanted to do was work on engines with my mom. I missed doing it when we were away from home. I just, never really got the point of it all. Then my mom said she saw some horrible stuff behind the scenes, and I was done. Dropped out from the campaign, and instead mom and I restored an old twenty-first century Audi TT for a collector. I had way more fun doing that.’

‘And that was the end of your modelling career?’

Elaine nodded. ‘Yeah. My mom took the money and invested it for me. It paid for my college fees, though I had to work to buy food and stuff. But I just worked in a classic car garage restoring old cars. So, I had fun with that too.’

‘You really have fun with that?’ Hadith leaned forward.

To his side, the chef was cooking, loading their plates, the servant standing to his side, getting ready to deliver it when it was done.

‘Yeah. I love having my hands on an engine, covered in grease, figuring out what the problem is. Cars are made standard, but you can have two of the same car, made on the same line at the same time and both will have their quirks. Things that give them their own personality. I love discovering that. Figuring out what makes them tick and helping them tick better.’

‘It’s easy to see how you became a ship’s engineer.’

‘Yeah.’ Again Elaine shrugged. ‘I love Endurance. I love her engine. Loved,’ Elaine corrected herself, remembering Endurance was destroyed in the IGC explosion. ‘It’s not the same though.’

‘Then why do it? If you could make a good living from restoring engines, why choose to join the military?’

Elaine let out a sigh. No one ever understood her reasons.

‘On Earth, you’re only allowed to have one baby. Only people who are deemed important can even apply for a license for a second baby. Big families aren’t a thing there anymore. I’d love to have lots of children.’ Elaine smiled at the thought. ‘Be surrounded by a gaggle of kids is a dream. My mom was only allowed to have me and if I did the same thing, I’d be the same. But if I could climb high in the military, I could apply for a second licence and maybe one day, they’d let me have a second kid.’

Elaine looked up; sure she’d see the same confusion on Hadith’s face she often saw on those friends close enough to confide in. Instead, his face was filled with longing.

‘You want children as well?’

Hadith seemed frozen, but slowly he animated.

‘Since I was young,’ he admitted. ‘It is my dream to… find my Dycalti,’ Hadith swallowed audibly, looking down, pain on his face, ‘find my Danicalti, and begin our family.’

‘Dycalti, Danicalti, are they like, husband and wife?’

Hadith tilted his head for a moment, then nodded, apparently having the translation confirmed by his translator.

‘Yes.’

‘What do your people call an adalan in that relationship?’

Dyshcalti,’ he said, pronouncing the dysh to rhyme with rice.

The server delivered the food and Elaine fell into silence for a few minutes while she tried some of the dishes, with Hadith telling her what they were and where they were from. The server poured them some wine with their meal and Elaine got a pleasant hum from it.

‘Ah, it’s almost time.’

Hadith stood and held out a hand to Elaine.

Without hesitation, she put her hand in his and stood, letting him lead her over to the balcony.

They watched the mountains, rather than staring at the sun.

They glittered with the slight descent, shadows moving over the golden stone and silver snow.

Then, without warning, the shadows grew and merged, swallowing the light, the gold, the silver fading last, the illusion, as the sun sank abruptly, falling behind the mountains, leaving them in total darkness.

The nebula suddenly grew clearer in appearance. It was filled with stars. For a moment, Elaine thought she saw a familiar shape there, the nebular appeared to be one of the pillars of eternity in the eagle nebula, but it was so close, and she wasn’t sure. She thought she should, that perhaps they’d told her about this on the mission briefing. But her memory of everything in the past seemed to be clouded, unclear. Harumi told her that was the result of the trauma. It had affected her memory completely, obscuring the past, and even effecting the here and now. She found it hard to remember things she had to do just on a day-to-day basis. Her mind didn’t seem to want to attach to things. She found it frustrating.

She couldn’t wait for Harumi to return with the other doctor. Harumi told her that Elaine’s ability to retain memories should begin to return after the therapy.

Apparently, it was a protective response of the brain to trauma.

Elaine just wanted it to stop.

At the same time, she didn’t.

She didn’t want to remember those days.

She already remembered too much.

‘There were times, in the early days,’ Hadith said, ‘where I would lie in bed for days without thinking. Thoughts would be there, slipping in and out without me examining them. I wouldn’t be aware of time. It was only my bodies basic needs that could get me to move. I hated remembering what he did to me.’

Elaine shivered. Castus’s face appeared in her memory, his smirk. The pleasure he got from her pain. The way he’d laugh when she screamed.

He was like a comic book villain, but he was all too real.

Box breathing.

She felt like she was falling, floating out of her body.

‘I understand some of what you went through.’

Hadith put his hand on the banister between them, leaving it there.

Elaine took hold of it, gripping it. He gripped it back, though not enough to hurt, it felt real. Like the only real thing.

Box breathing.

Slowly, Elaine came back to her body.

Hadith was facing her. He reached out to her face, stopping short, asking permission.

Elaine nodded.

It was only when he wiped the tears away, that she realised she’d been crying.

‘Take a few minutes. We can continue to eat, or if you’d like to leave—’

‘No.’ Elaine shook her head. ‘I’m enjoying myself. Enjoying your company.’

Hadith smiled.

‘Then take as long as you need. We’ll sit again when you’re ready.’

Elaine nodded, and they turned to look at the stars.