The Ilia's Lovers - Chapter Twelve

Weeks went by and Elaine and Hadith met on the Sunset Balcony for supper often. On the rare occasions when he wasn’t available, they met for an earlier meal. When Elaine mentioned English tea to Hadith, he had the Tessans bring some, complete with instructions and a tiered stand with the ingredients on how to make the sandwiches and cakes. Hadith seemed to love the novelty and the tradition behind it. Earth sent a book which Hadith brought to the table, reading sections aloud to her as they ate.

Elaine was shocked that he could read a book that was in English. That’s when she found out that Amaran translation devices could translate the written word as well. Hadith had her translator updated and immediately set her homework, several books about Amaran history.

Elaine wasn’t a big reader, but there was something about Amaran history, about this planet and its people that made her forge ahead whenever she thought about quitting. Elaine was falling in love with this planet and its people.

Harumi returned from visiting her sister with another therapist. MDMA was a drug that helped a patient revisit their memories to heal. The effect of the drug peeled back layers of pain from the events that caused them, allowing Elaine’s mind to create distance from them. Elaine felt deeply connected to Harumi and Davina all the way through and Davina’s experience as a woman who’d undergone her own traumas allowed her the freedom to talk openly. At one point, Elaine felt the presence of her mother which opened a deep grief; that of not having her mother there to help her through the worst time of her life. But in this moment, it was like her mother was there, holding her and telling her everything would be alright, even if it took time.

One by one, Elaine’s trauma began to fall away. The memories were still there, but they no longer held the power, that was now firmly in Elaine’s hand. The nightmares stopped, the small voice, the last vestige of Castus quieted for good, freeing Elaine from her abuser once and for all.

Elaine was still traumatised. She still had memories to work through, but she was getting better. She could feel it now, day to day, the heaviness of what that male had done to her was lessening, like a boulder smashed to pebbles, each pebble falling left the memories less of a weight to carry.

For twelve weeks Harumi and Davina took her through therapy, with three MDMA sessions in total. For the following weeks, Elaine would talk to Harumi and Davina individually, as they went through the sessions and what they had revealed assessing the areas that still needed to be tackled. When it was all over, Davina returned to Earth, leaving Elaine and Harumi to continue therapy together.

There was still work to do, but the worst of it, the things that had sunk sharp barbed claws deep into her soul, those were gone, or if not gone, they were in her past. Elaine could move on. It would take months in all for her to heal, but she could feel it now, feel more of her old self returning. Muted, experienced and traumatised in ways that would stay with her forever, but freer than she’d been since the day Endurance was captured.

Once the sessions were over, Elaine returned to meeting Hadith on the sunset balcony, and they had supper as before.

More time passed, and slowly, Elaine realised it wasn’t just the planet and people she was falling for. Her day felt incomplete unless she saw Hadith. Everything she read, she wanted to share with him, see his reaction, how he could expand on what she was learning with stories he’d heard from Dahnus. Apparently, there were stories the family passed down generation to generation that never made it into the history books.

More, she loved the quirks, the movements, the smiles that were all Hadith. His lips were sinfully full, so every word he said, every smile, seemed somehow bathed in suggestion. His eyes were the most beautiful eyes she’d even seen, not just the colour, but the shape, the outer corner was up at an angle, compared to human eyes. Wide, but hooded, with a low brow. His skin was smooth, but with the high cheekbones, square jaw and the dimple in his chin. His face was full of character.

Whenever he became thoughtful, he’d turn his head to the right, usually to look over the Sunset Balcony where they still shared every meal they had together. His face would smooth out, his eyes narrow slightly, and become unfocused as he searched his memory. Elaine could watch him for hours.

But he was the lover of the Ilan. A male she’d only met once. Though she’d seen him since, they never had time to stop and talk.

That was changing tonight.

Tonight, Dahnus was joining them for supper.

It always took longer to fix her own hair then it did someone else’s. It was one of the reasons she enjoyed fixing other people’s hair so much. Particularly Pyri’s.

Now, Elaine twisted and pinned her hair, brushing through sections to make her hair as glossy and beautiful as possible.

When she was done, she looked at the result in the mirror. Her hair was piled on her head loosely and pinned to her crown in a series of sections which resembled a knot. Small tendrils fell from the knot, not reaching her shoulders, though they fell for a few inches. She had three small tendrils falling either side of her face. Her skin had gained colour in the last few months, becoming the golden tan she always had growing up, before moving to Concord station for her mom’s job. She used a few bits of Amaran cosmetics to add some smoky shade to her lids and a bit of lip colour and called it done. Along with the red dress she was wearing, she felt ready to meet one of the most powerful males in known space.

Almost.

Maybe.

Not really, but the time had come anyway.

Her guards followed her across the palace, to the balcony, waiting in a small atrium inside along with Hadith and the Ilan’s guards, while Elaine stood near the door gathering the courage to step out. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to take the final steps.

The sun was a little higher than it usually was. Amara was moving from spring into summer, so each day it took a little longer for the sun to set. In the time they’d been meeting like this, almost two months, they’d had to move the time of their meeting later and later.

Hadith and Dahnus were standing across the balcony. Dahnus was sitting on it, watching Hadith as he spoke. There was a spark of love in his eyes as he watched the adalan, a smirk as he listened, his lips widening until they were laughing. Their body language was easy, familiar. They moved in a way that spoke of long held intimacy.

Elaine knew Hadith was the Ilan’s lover. She knew her developing feelings for him. She wondered if, when she saw them together, she’d feel jealous, but she didn’t. She was the interloper here. They were the lovers.

Elaine realised she was standing in the doorway, in full view of the guards behind her, and in the view of the chef and server. She braced herself for the evening to come and stepped out.

The Ilan’s pale turquoise eyes found her first. He smiled, standing and whispered something to Hadith who turned to see her hesitantly walking over to join them.

Hadith broke from the Ilan. ‘Elaine.’ He smiled wide and stepped in front of her, reaching to take her hand but, as always, leaving her to choose to take it. Elaine slipped her hand in his happily and let him tug her gently towards the ruler of Amara.

‘I know you’ve already met Dahnus, but it’s been a while.’ Hadith stopped in front of him, standing at her side.

‘Elaine, Ilan Dahnus Ascendi.’

‘Please, call me Dahnus.’

Elaine’s breath caught in her throat. The Ilan just appeared like a person who enjoyed sex. Sexuality seemed to surround him, like a shroud. Having the full force of his attention on her, was unnerving.

‘Elaine,’ she responded, feeling breathless.

‘Come, let’s sit.’

Dahnus led the way to the table, leaving Hadith to escort Elaine. He held out his arm and she slipped her hand through the loop. When they reached the table, Dahnus already had her chair out for her. Elaine slipped in between the table and chair and let Dahnus push the chair beneath her. She took her seat and thanked him as he did the same for Hadith, then took his own seat, the server doing the same duty for him.

‘Hadith tells me you’ve been trying Amaran cuisine, so we’re going a little more daring today. Everything here is rare food on Amara. Much of it is exquisite, some simply rare.’

Elaine looked at the grill the chef was using to cook the food and saw that there was a device like a barbeque behind him which had the top closed. Smoke poured out from the sides, filling the air.

‘Oh, I can’t wait,’ she said sniffing the air. Whatever it was smelt delicious. ‘I’ve never eaten so well.’

‘I’m fascinated to learn about Earth. What kind of food did you eat there?’ Dahnus leaned closer, seeming genuinely interested. He placed a hand on the table and Hadith slipped his own in, the two of them just touching.

‘All sorts,’ Elaine said. ‘When my mom and I lived on Earth, we used to barbeque, like that smoker back there, meat on open flames outside. We worked on car engines a lot, restoring them, so it was easy to have a barbeque, or a smoker going at the same time and just toss a salad together. When we moved to Concord, things changed. The food there was pretty standard for Earth, but every now and then management would put on a party for the staff and the food would be amazing.’

‘Concord?’ Dahnus asked.

‘It’s a luxury space station in orbit of Earth. I mean, it’s the luxury space station. It’s where some of the richest people live because Earth is too crowded.’

‘What made you move there?’ Hadith asked.

‘Job opportunity for my mom. She restored old cars because it’s what she loved doing, but she went back to school and became a COMP engineer, certified to work on Station engines. Everyone wanted her to work on theirs because she was head of her class, but Concord had the best pay. The private sector is where the big bucks are.’ Elaine shrugged.

‘Is your mother still there?’ Dahnus asked.

Elaine shook her head. ‘No. She died in an accident when the station was doing a big extension. Some deck plating buckled under the tension of being fitted and snapped free.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ Dahnus said, reaching out, then stopping himself.

Elaine smiled at him, grateful for both the gesture and because he stopped. ‘It was a rough time. Mom was my world. But you get through it.’

Dahnus nodded. ‘I understand. All of my parents passed away as well.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Thank you. They died in a crash, all but my adalan parent, who couldn’t live without them.’

His adalan parent took his own life!

Elaine gasped, her hand going to her mouth.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, feeling her heart break for him.

‘It was hard, to lose them all at the same time. But I understood,’ Dahnus’s hand suddenly clutched Hadith’s hand tightly. Hadith held him back just as tightly. ‘I know, when I find my adalan, I won’t want to live without him, either.’

Elaine watched as a flux of emotions passed over Hadith’s face. Dahnus’s tone seemed to hold a lot of subtext.

He has his adalan. Why is he talking like this?

There was more to Dahnus and Hadith’s relationship, and the acknowledgment of that relationship, than they were willing to say out loud.

‘Races like the Sehn believe our bonds mean less than theirs, because the Sehn are possessive of their mates. We enjoy watching our mates take pleasure with others and they don’t understand that our love, our bond, can run just as deep as theirs and the loss we experience when that bond is severed is just as piercing for us as it is for them. It was worse because I didn’t just lose my davvi, vamma and adanna. I lost my Sehn father. My four Hinari fathers. My Zenin father survived, but he left and my half-siblings left with him, so that they couldn’t be used against me.’

Elaine turned the words around in her mind a few times but couldn’t quite work out how they fit together. Finally, she leaned towards him.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Your Sehn, Hinari, Zenin fathers?’

Dahnus and Hadith looked at one another, then at her.

‘It is tradition for the Ilia and Ilidan of an Ilan to take on lovers from bonding species that become their bond mates. Lovers, protectors. Males who will guard their mates with their lives.’ Dahnus leaned forward. ‘A Sehn, so that if they are poisoned, the Sehn can easily neutralise the poison. A Zenin, for the natural armour they can generate which is resistant to most projectile and energy-based weaponry. Hinari, because they will do absolutely anything to protect their mate, they are excellent warriors and there are four of them. Sometimes we use other bonding species, like Kuyon who have joined the warrior class. They go through training and changes that make them some of the most elite warriors in the known galaxy. There have been Adosian packs, though they were trouble, there’s been the odd Bolsen here and there, but their world has so many crime syndicates it’s hard to find Bolsen who aren’t criminals. Almost everyone is aligned to some organisation. I believe there was even a gift once, in the distant, empirical past, when a Fedhith female looking to make an alliance gifted an Ilia an entire group of males.’

‘Oh my,’ Elaine said, unable to quite comprehend what she was hearing. Lovers were one thing, but to be a female and find yourself mated to several guys! How? Just, how did they make that work?

‘That didn’t work out, however.’ Dahnus sat back, an amused grin on his face.

‘How come?’ Elaine asked.

‘One of the Fedhith males hadn’t had his venom glands or fangs removed. He bit the Ilia, making her incapable of creating children with anyone but him. The Ilan had to abdicate the throne and he, his Dycalti, wife, his dyshcalti, and all of her lovers retired to Athia,’ Dahnus pointed at the moon which was a shadow against the nebula in the sky, ‘In shame, leaving the way for one of my ancestors to take the throne.’

Elaine laughed. ‘It worked out for you then.’

‘Indeed. And all my ancestors. It is said, the Ilan’s mother wanted her adalan child, my ancestor, to inherit the throne. When he took it, he was clearly the better leader, his bond mates more suited to the role. It’s been theorised that Ilan’s mother made an agreement with the Fedhith leader to ensure her adalan child would get the throne.’

‘That is savage!’ Elaine laughed again. ‘Are there any more stories like that?’

‘Many. Such as the Maruzen who drugged the entire palace and kidnapped his heavily pregnant Ilia mate. The Ilan and Ilidan found them years later raising their heir in a rainforest along with the half-Maruzen child she’d borne him.’

Elaine was chortling now. At some point the server poured them all wine, which Elaine sipped during Dahnus’s stories. She looked at the wall next to them and pointed.

‘Are any of these guys those Iliums?’ she asked.

Dahnus and Hadith both turned to the wall and looked along the line of busts. ‘There. Ilan Emdris the twelfth. Either side, you can see his Ilidan, Gothri and Ilia, Ishale.’

Elaine studied the faces. The Ilia had familiar high cheekbones.

‘It’s strange to think you’re descended from every person carved into this wall,’ Elaine said. ‘And someday, your kids and grandkids will be sat here with their Ilidans and Ilias and lovers and looking at your face.’

‘It gives me a wonderful sense of continuity. Of history. Of responsibility. It is why we look out on Amara. It is not just ours to rule, but ours to protect; every last citizen.’

When Elaine looked at the Ilan, he was staring at the adalan Elaine was convinced would be his Ilidan. Hadith held their hands to his lips and kissed Dahnus’s hand.

‘You mention your mother a lot,’ Hadith said, turning his attention back to her. ‘But you never mention your father.’

‘Oh, he was a guy who didn’t want to have his own kids. He was about to have a procedure to stop from fathering children. He agreed to father me on the proviso that he be allowed to remove his parental responsibility as soon as I was born. They applied to the courts, he moved to Mars.’ Elaine shrugged. ‘I used to have a picture, it was on Endurance, so I guess it’s dust now. But I never met him.’

As she spoke, Hadith’s eyes dropped to her hands.

‘Did you ever want to meet him?’ Dahnus asked.

Elaine shook her head. ‘Not really. I always had people. My mom had a couple of long-term relationships with women who were like mothers to me. She had no family, but she had so many friends. There were always people coming and going in our home.’ Elaine smiled at the memory of her favourite people sitting in their garden while she and her mom worked on some car or other.

‘It was a great childhood. I didn’t miss him. Later, when my mom told me he didn’t want to have children, I was a little disappointed, but it was hard to care when I had several parental figures I knew would kill and die for me. I don’t think family is about ticking off certain participants. I’ve known families like that who were miserable. I think family is about who’s there when the shit hits the fan.’

Elaine gasped, her hand flying to her mouth when she realised the phrase she’d used.

Dahnus frowned, seemingly puzzling out the words. A chuckle started in his chest and rose up his throat, booming out of his mouth.

‘Humans have such colourful phrases,’ he managed to get out through the laughter.

Hadith was laughing too, though less so than Dahnus.

‘I am so sorry! That was so bad!’ Elaine hid her face behind her hands.

‘It’s an excellent phrase,’ Dahnus said. ‘Very visual.’

Hadith was staring at her hands again.

‘It’s such a fixed phrase in the language, I don’t think many people have ever considered the visuals,’ Elaine grimaced as her mind did just that, ‘and I can’t say I’m sorry I’ve never thought of it before.’

This seemed to set Hadith off. By the time they’d finished laughing, the server was bringing them the first course.

‘Why did your mother not find someone who would help raise you? Why choose the man she chose?’ Hadith asked.

‘I asked her that,’ Elaine said, looking down at the plate with was dotted with little samplings of food, meats, breads, foams, sauces, drizzles, and vegetables. It was put together to create an image of a field filled with flowers, some of which the chef had topped with actual flowers.

‘The man who fathered me was very attractive, and intelligent. My mom said she wanted to give her child the best chance. He didn’t want kids, and they were both gay, so neither of them wanted a relationship with one another. He had an amazing job on Mars waiting for him, so he seemed like the best option, all around.’

“I can’t imagine having a child and not wanting to be there,” Hadith said, his eyes still fixed on her hands as she ate.

“Me neither,” Elaine admitted. She looked at Hadith and they shared a look. Kindred spirits, both of them wanting the same thing.

Elaine’s breath caught in her throat. She could have that. She could have that with Hadith and Dahnus. Butterflies alighted in her stomach. Dahnus has siblings from his parent’s lovers. They had a huge family who all lived in the palace together, loved one another, their children playing together. The thought was tempting. More tempting than she could put in words. Elaine considered it for a moment. Living here, a human lover to the Ilan and his adalan. Rooms in the palace. Children with Hadith’s eyes and dimple, Dahnus’s high cheekbones, their skin a mix of the Amaran light or dark grey and her sandy skin.

A moment later the reality of that set in. An Ilia who would always have their focus. Other lovers. Would she take other lovers? No. No.

No.

No to all of it.

No to watching Dahnus and Hadith love another woman. Prioritise another woman. Elaine wasn’t sure if she would, or even could, fall for a man like Dahnus, who was so intimidating. But she knew how she felt about Hadith and she knew as much as she was open minded, as much as she believed that love came in whatever form it did and was right for the individual, the couple or the group, that she could never share Hadith with another woman.

“Are you feeling well, Elaine?”

Elaine looked at Dahnus, his cool turquoise eyes, and realised she’d dissociated a little.

“I’m a little cold,” she lied.

“Well, let me help you,” Dahnus said, at the same time as he got up. He grabbed the blanket even as she protested that an Ilan shouldn’t be doing such a thing.

“Nonsense. It is my duty to care for you,” he said, “if you’ll allow me.” He held out the blanket, asking her permission.

Elaine looked into his eyes and saw kindness and empathy. She nodded, lost for anything more to say.

Dahnus covered her with the blanket before going through the process of tucking and folding, before securing it so it wouldn’t fall.

When he sat again, he grinned at her, happy to have helped and Elaine’s stomach dropped.

The Ilan was devastatingly handsome. His grin, inviting, warm, and so sexy.

Elaine swallowed as she smiled back, nodding her thanks because she couldn’t speak it. her eyes moved from Dahnus to Hadith and back again and an image, limbs, skin, lips, sweat, swam unbidden in her mind.

Oh no! I’m in so much trouble with these two!

Her breath caught in her lungs, Elaine listened as Dahnus and Hadith carried the conversation, obviously noting her change and probably assuming she was still nervous from the close contact with the Ilan.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Her skin sang where he grazed it. His touch delicate and gentle.

Dahnus intimidated her so much when she arrived, Elaine wasn’t sure why such a gentle person like Hadith was with such a powerful, physically striking male. But now she got it. now she got it all too well.